Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
