I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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