is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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