Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
