Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
