even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
