exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
