yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
