My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
