Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's get the cat blown out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
