"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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