my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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