You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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