Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ttyl tear gas
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
