just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
