I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
