either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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