ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
