if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
