we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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