i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
