you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
