oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
