she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
