I've blown a few things in my day
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
