I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
