p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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