I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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