If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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