Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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