You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
