"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
