I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
