if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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