u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
