when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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