he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
