Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
