see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
