I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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