im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
