Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
