I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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