A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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