Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
