he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
