then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
