just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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