Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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