I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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