Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
